SIan XIAN!! XD

Saturday, February 20, 2010

HEY PPL! XD
this whole week, or rather....this few weeks and the next few....i'll be busy with camp and spec course... haha! kinda excited..but also..kinda nervous..and scared. no clue why. i just feel that i'm not ready for those 2 very IMPORTANT events in my life of a NCC cadet. seriously.. i'm already quite sure about everything already... but well, i just feel deep down..i'm not ready. but there is no time left! 2 weeks OR you can say, LESSER than 2 weeks to camp. abt 3 weeks to spec course... WAKE UP!!!!! i gotta pull myself together. since the last holiday, i've felt that i've stepped into another world totally. a world with much more responsibilties, much more need of leadership, much more need of courage and confidence, much more need in commitment. but i know i'm lacking everyone of them. i gotta have them, but i can't reach them... its like they're so far away and i need them now!
time really go by fast. its like everything's happening now. sometimes i just feel like turning my head away from everything, feel like shouting out loud to the world that i really need someone that really have a very patient and very goooood hearing ear to hear out all my probs and worries. someone that i can hug after i pour out every single thing and just cry. haiz.... *wondering when such a person will show up*
am i stress? am i too worked up? am i too worried?! WHAT?!! this is sooo driving me crazy! but i think chris is much more stress than me. much much more! she has like more responsibilties than me and ppl have higher expectations for her. who am i to compare? sometimes, i just wish ppl have high expectations of me. cause if no...its like i'm not important. its like its okay if i'm there. its okay too if i'm not. what feeling is this? I HATE IT! X( it makes me feel lonely.

getting busy for class com . already. not to mention NCC. but somehow..i enjoy being busy. having nothing to do seems so boring! its like you just let the day go by with nothing done! WTH! okays...anyways. i''m loving my class and being in the commitee. 3/1 rocks! XD i don't want to have a repeat of my sec 1 &2 life. i'm starting a fresh! yay! dots......but haha! first time someone said that he liked my drawing.. AH! OMG! so happy!. thanks, and love ya! XD
nowadays i'm getting pissed more easily. but i'm learning how to control my emotions.... :D i can see that fy was really pissed on thursday's online. only a few ppl stayed up way late into the night to help get proposal done...and one stayed on for the WHOLE night. pro hor, the one? haha! but its not me la of course. i where got so pro de?! ;) first time in my life! i slept at 3am on a school day. hahahahhaa! so fun..... XD

got to see him after one week on thursday.. the first thing i saw was his smile :) this may be the 2nd time i'm saying this, but it never failed to make my day all brightened up.. even talked to him and joked. XD maybe the joking de not very obvious la. but seeing him smile makes me feel happy. sicko? i dont know, i don't care. yesterday saw him too. almost fell out of my chair when i heard him say my name. still thought for what...but go up and present. but still he called me! *dumbass, sixian. get your head together! not like he call your name want tell you something nice or anything. its abt work!* lol....

work, work, WORK!

you'll be fine!

don't worry too much, and have fun.